Days 15, 16 & 17: The Wedding

So, going to the wedding only took one day, but in my life it was a three day ordeal, so that's how I'm telling it.

As I've mentioned in previous posts, last week Hadir invited me to her cousin Ahmed's wedding, and I was happy to accept. Seeing an authentic Egyptian wedding, especially in the country, might be a once in a life time experience. It did mean I had to take the only personal day I'll get all summer to travel, and I'm a little bummed that that means I may not get to go to Siwa, but I still think it was worth it.

Anyway, this post starts on Day 15 and not 16 (the actual wedding) because I was of the opinion that I needed a gift. Hadir had told me that since I was a guest, and not part of the family, that it was unnecessary, but I felt she was pulling the hospitable Egyptian, since she didn't deny that a gift would be appropriate. But then what was I supposed to get?

Since my first stop had been Hadir, who was so set on me not getting a gift that she hadn't been much help at all, I went to Robyn, the program director. Her first suggestion was money, which Hadir had said would actually be inappropriate. I imagine it has something to do with the fact that I'm American and Ahmed's family isn't the richest to begin with. After that, Robyn was out of ideas, so she told me to ask my Egyptian professors.

As luck would have it, I had a meeting with Ustaaz Nour later that day to get my grades for the week. (They're fine by the way.) He said an appropriate gift would be a painting, preferably of a landscape or something similar. I didn't think that sounded too hard, so after classes I went to the biggest Alexandrian Souk, Mahatat al-Raml, to try and find an appropriate painting. But it was late, and all I seemed to be able to find were purses. Finally, I found a store selling reproductions, and while that wasn't exactly what I wanted, I figured it would have to do. So I bought one, spent a little longer trying to find a framer, failed miserably, and went home with a piece of cardboard.

The trip wasn't a total waste though. While looking for a painting I did manage to find a new cheap purse. I quickly learned that the one I brought from America is far too small. Mostly because I can't carry toilet paper or sunscreen in it. The new one isn't too big, bit it holds the necessities, zips, and goes over my shoulder. Every time I look at it though I have to laugh because while it's meant to be a designer knock off, who ever made it had no idea what they were doing. The leather has the Louis Vuitton symbol all over it, but the tag on the front says Christian Dior. Like I said though, it was cheap, and I've never much been one to care about designers anyway.

The other success of the night was finding a two dollar boot legged version of Prince of Persia. Dot's mad at me for ripping of Disney, but I'm never going to find time to go to the movies here, so it was either buy it or not see it at all. Besides, I adore having the Arabic subtitles on it. The same stand selling the movies had every Harry Potter book in Arabic. I contemplated buying them, but I expect they'll be there a while, so I may pick them up later.

When I got back to the dorms with my "painting," Hadir didn't know what to say. She was supportive, and helped me write an appropriate message on the back, but I still think it was a fail. That night, she went to stay at her fiancé's sister's house, and I had the room to myself. I wish I'd taken the opportunity to get more sleep, but instead I tried to complete my homework for Tuesday, seeing as I knew I wouldn't have an opportunity while traveling and participating in wedding festivities. I got about halfway through before I was too tired to continue and just passed out.

We were both up and ready to go early in the morning. The original plan was that her brother was going to drive up to Alexandria to pick us up, but when she called him in the morning he decided he'd rather sleep. As such, we took a taxi to the bus station and got on a microbus headed for Bahira, the province her family's from. I've ridden microbuses in Alexandria, but I'd never been in one for long distances. Luckily that first one wasn't too full, but it was still hot for the hour and a half ride.

Because her house was en route to the bus station in Bahira, Hadir stopped the driver and we got out early. At her house, however, her brother was still asleep and didn't answer the door. Because Hadir didn't have a key we ended up trekking over to her aunt's house to get one and trekking all the way back, bags in tow. On the way though, I did get a chance to see where the festivities would be that night, as well as a chance to meet her grandfather.

When we finally got into the house, I was surprised at how fancy it was. The decor reminded me of a Victorian parlor, and everything was made of expensive stone covered in intricate rugs. One of the rugs in the living room reminded me of the rug we used to have in the den in New York. It made me smile.

Mahmoud, Hadir's brother, was still sleeping, so we hung out for a while and Hadir picked out something to wear because she hadn't been able to find what she wanted in the dorms. Eventually, she narrowed it down to a red pants suit and this bedazzled gold dress. I thought the dress was a little over the top, but it's what she ultimately went with. When I saw what the other girls were wearing though, she fit right in. The party was like a Hollywood runway, and while I don't think I was particularly under dressed, I certainly wasn't winning any awards.

Once Hadir had decided on her outfit, she woke up her brother to drive us to the grooms house where all the women of the family were gathering. There was a drum and trumpet player there to sing and announce the pending nuptials, and we all danced and clapped along. Everyone was very sweet and welcoming, and they had cooked us this fantastic lunch. It's customary in the country for everyone to eat off the same plate, but Hadir claimed she didn't want to sit with the giant crowd that was eating there that day because of the wedding, so we got one giant plate to ourselves in a back bedroom. I'm still not sure if she really didn't want to sit with the crowd or if she was trying to make me more comfortable, but either way I appreciate it.

After lunch, we mostly sat around socializing. It was only then that some of the women realized I wasn't Egyptian. Another mark in the proof I look Arab column I guess. Surprisingly, the older women seemed a lot more comfortable with me than the younger ones. Hadir had warned me that many people in the country have never seen an American before, but I was still surprised that some of the looks I was getting were dirty rather than just wary. Maybe they thought I was a bad person for not wearing a Hijab. I was at least careful to cover my arms and neck the entire time I was there. And generalizations aside, I did make friends with an amazing little girl who's some how related to Hadir and whose name, sadly I still do not know.

Over the course of the day, I was able to get a little more homework done, but not as much as I would have liked. There's no air conditioning in the country, so they leave all the windows open and it lets all the bugs in. At first I was disgusted to be sitting in a room literally filled with hundreds of flies, but eventually I got used to it. When they weren't landing on me anyway.

At some point I fell asleep for an hour or two, which was good, because I was pooped, and when I woke up all the girls were in the back room getting dressed for the wedding. From about six to nine in the evening we dressed and primped. My dressing and primping really only took about fifteen minutes, so I mostly watched the other girls.

The wedding didn't start until ten o'clock that evening, but I found out at nine that because I was Hadir's friend, I was an honorary part of the wedding party, and there for I was to go with the caravan to pick up the bride from the hairdresser. Probably fifty cars wove through the tiny village streets. It was impressive, but nothing compared to what happened when the bride finally got in to the lead car.

Apparently, it's customary in these caravans to drive like a maniac (more so than Egyptians normally do) in order to get a picture of the bride in her car. There were people with boom boxes on scooters to accompany us and lend music to the fray of speeding, swerving, and cutting off. And anytime we came to an intersection all of the cars without women in them would see who could pull off the best donuts. It was ridiculous, but once I stopped fearing for my life I did settle in and enjoy myself.

Back at the party grounds, we had to wait for about half an hour for the bride to be ready to enter. The village was already inside partying, but remember, I was part of the wedding party. We all piled out of our cars at the same time and meandered in a gigantic disorganized procession into the humongous tent that had been set up on top the spot I think the village usually kept their livestock. There were rugs covering the ground, so I couldn't tell for sure, but I was at a loss to guess what else you'd use all that empty dirt for on any other day.

The procession was just as grand as everything else. Loud music, dancing, illegal fireworks. And when we finally got to the end, it all just continued. Hadir and I found seats, but the bride and groom got up on a stage at the front of the tent where their friends and family would join them intermittently to dance. I compare it now to a concert more than a party, because of the hundreds of people there, only a small fraction of them danced, and only a small fraction of that fraction danced a lot. Mostly, we all sat and watched the bride and groom. For four hours.

The dancing was interspersed with a few performers. Two men dressed as a horse did a little performance, and then one of them cam back dressed as wrestling midgets so that when he danced it looked like they were fighting each other. The last guy did this cool dance with some heavy spinny skirt garment and then led the groom around with him to dance on tables.

It was all very upbeat. More so than any American wedding I've ever seen. In the beginning, it was one of the more amazing things I'd ever seen in my life, but by the second hour I was highly dehydrated, and by the third or fourth I had a pounding headache from the unending loud music. My ears rang for hours afterwards.

Toward the end of the festivities, Hadir also looked like she was getting tired, so we got up and and left the tent to walk and visit her grandmother. Hadir's grandmother is the town bread baker, and the sweetest little Arab lady I've met to date. She invited us in and we chatted for a bit, and then Hadir and I went back to the grooms house to see the newlyweds enter the home for the first time. Afterwards, we slept there, like the rest of the females in the wedding party.

Let me correct that. Hadir slept there. It was already four thirty in the morning by this point, and I still had homework. So I did homework for two hours while Hadir slept, then I woke her up and we went about getting ready to leave.

I had class at eleven that morning, needed a shower, had remnants of homework to complete, and was paranoid I wasn't going to make it home on time. Still, Hadir took her sweet time, stopped by her house to sit for a few moments. Complained about feeling rushed. And then asked if we could go to her grandmother's house to pick up some money.

I couldn't say no, of course.

It was seven-thirty when we left Hadir's grandmother's while I'd wanted to get on the road at seven. For running on no sleep, I'm very proud that I kept my head, knowing that Egyptian culture doesn't put much stake in time. We caught a microbus from Hadir's village to a neighboring village, which has a bigger bus station, and then another bus from the station to Alexandria. Both of us slept the entire trip. Unfortunately, an hour and a half on a microbus does not a good night's sleep make.

The taxi from the Alexandria bus station pulled up at the girls dorms at approximately nine fifteen. I ran upstairs while Hadir went to get water and set myself in whirlwind mode. Shower first, because I was gross, then rapid homeworking and no pause for breakfast. I managed to finish everything at about ten-fifteen, at which point I ran to the dar to print my homework and made it to class on time. Al-hamdu llah.

I don't remember much from classes that day. They all asked me how the wedding was. I gave my opinion. When I got home from the University, Hadir was asleep, of course. I joined her, and though I'd planned to wake up and do more homework later in the evening, I ended up sleeping straight through. I needed it though, so I can't be too mad at myself, and the homework I should have done was easy enough to bs. (Don't worry, I went back and did it properly later.)

Whoo. I feel like I just spent hours writing that post. And now it's far too late for me to still be awake with class in the morning. I'm sorry I haven't caught you all up on everything, but I have written about six days in two, so I'm catching up. Hopefully there will be more to come soon.

Love you everyone back in the States!